[.when life gives you lemons.]

...stuff them down life's throat. Honestly.




Today, I have had some time to think about those times when everything seems to just be a horrible, bloody mess. When life just sucks and you have nobody to talk to and nowhere to go. When thoughts of not exactly suicide but maybe just leaving haunt you, seeming like the most civil alternative to the horrifyingly unjust things that keep happening to you.

As far as I'm concerned, everything in this life can be changed. When you take matters in your own hands, you can turn anything around.

You might say there are some things that cannot be altered, weather and disease being the most acrid examples. Let me tell you this: anything can be prevented. The difference between luck and misfortune lies within one simple and at the very same time the most puzzling of all things: time.

I have come to the rather startling conclusion that the most successful people are those who are punctual: those who know exactly when to change the course of things. When to take the reigns into their own hands and whip life's sides. Those people understand how life works. They know its psychology.

We should always remember how mortal we all are, how fragile life is for us. Within seventy years - give or take, - we will all be equal. In boxes. Or ashes. Gone. We will all be the same: dead. Death, you see, is a much less capricious lady. It doesn't measure time as intricately as life does. Death has no respect for time. It doesn't require clocks or calendars. The dead are always late.

Have you ever heard stories about miraculous discoveries of cancer tumors, when two or three weeks more would have turned the patient into a deadman? Stories about bombs being discovered minutes before they were set to go off? Luck? Maybe. The people who did these wonderful things have had the luck to be exactly on time.

Don't depend on luck, though. Timekeeping is a special talent.

Cherish the life that you have but watch out for those special moments that can twist it around for the better.

Be punctual and life will indeed suck a fraction less.

[.there has to be something interesting happening in my life.]

Well, life is uneventful. As much as I would love to just gush about my abhorrently inspiring adventures, alas, I cannot: the entirety of last week was filled with nothing but boredom embodied in four incredibly tedious exams and a few meetings with my friends whom I, despite being inhumane to most of them, missed terribly. It turns out I am quite the social creature.
Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression: I am still dreading the day when I will have to cross paths with my ex-classmates but paradoxically enough my graduation had been a push to become closer with the people I haven't seen for ages. Old friends, it seems, are the most forgiving.


It was with that thought that I ended up here, on the couch of my living room, typing this entry up on my iPad as my laptop had once again fallen victim to my klutzy repertoire of spilling water all over the keyboard. I mean, I fixed it - I think, - but that didn't prevent me from dragging it to service and pestering the poor nerds that work there about how soon I would see my baby. Yes, I admit, I am quite attached to my technology and it's true what they say: you don't quite realize how many uses something has before you lose it. Not having a laptop in my immediate presence feels a bit like not having a limb. An iPad is actually a phantom pain - you can feel it, but it's not quite there. It's useful, it's easy but it's not... A MacBook.
Oh god, I only just realized I wrote an ode to my comatose laptop. While watching Sex and the City, no less. Things are looking quite sad for me: I will end up as a crazy old lady with twelve computers. Well, as long as Tumblr will keep on working by the time my teeth will have turned to dust.
I will be meeting my friends tomorrow and maybe (hopefully) picking my baby up from service. And then Thursday will be D-day: handing in my papers to the Spanish embassy.
Well, I better be off.
Be well, my lovelies,
Mariya
-iPad post

[.future's happening.]

A very good time of the day to all of you (a.k.a. the one person who reads my blog).

So tomorrow is my General Test in English. Basically, like the SAT, only a ghastlier Ukrainian version of it. Well, I don't mean to sound too cocksure or anything, but I think I got this. I mean, you are reading a blog I write exclusively in English without resorting to Google Translate™or any other method of abomination of the English language. I know my classmates - or at least, some of them, - will do well tomorrow, since they actually enjoy studying the language of Shakespeare. Others... Let's just say Ukraine is not even halfway ready for the Euro-2012 championship in terms of linguistics. 

The past few days have been surprisingly relaxing, the amount of tests notwithstanding. It's not like I require the test results to be impeccable, as do those who are unfortunate enough to be going to Ukrainian universities, so I'm basically sitting those for my health. Which probably makes me masochistic or at least mentally retarded, but do I care? I don't think so. 

On Friday, I attended a Cuban party in a Kiev club called 'Chameleon' and it was surprisingly nice, despite the amount of men who were incapable of putting one foot in front of the other and were just a bit too eager to drop their hands into the back pockets of my denims. A local Latin American dance school organizes these parties every week, and the teachers there provide the entertainment. I have to say I was impressed, not only with the sheer number of people who actually liked salsa and reggaeton and who were quite equipped with fancy dance moves, but by the quality of the event itself. There were no brawls (which is a rarity for my city), and the security staff was very good. So was the tequila. 

Before you ask, I went with my best friend, Olga, and our Spanish teacher: an amazing woman we call Iri. She is the biggest BAMF in the world, I have to tell you: forty-plus, unmarried, born and raised here in Ukraine before spending twelve years in Cuba. She dances like a professional and she is just plain fun. You know these older people who look down on green youngsters like ourselves? Not. Her. If I already didn't have a wonderful, progressive-thinking, completely open mom, I think I would have liked Iri as a mother figure. She is good at what she does - teaching Spanish, - and she is amazing at life. That's her on the picture to the left. The other two are really people-heavy, but I wonder if you can spot me amongst the crowd. 

While typing up the previous paragraph, I suddenly came to the realization that I posted absolutely nothing about prom. It's funny how easy it is to forget what a milestone had passed. 

Yes, my darlings, I am a high school graduate. Now, everyone was so excited about the prom, which in Ukraine is kind of a bigger deal than in the States, as far as I know - we rent a venue, do all the fancy celebrity stuff like photographers, professional makeup artists - all that jazz. It doesn't help that I've graduated from perhaps the poshest school in the entirety of Ukraine. New money, they call it. I call it not being able to teach your children how to save and spend wisely. 

An enchilada of Lexuses, Lincolns, other expensive cars I cannot distinguish because my knowledge of the automobile industry is nil, was parked in front of the House of Ukraine on the 12th of May, 2012. Girls in long gowns with hair extensions, French manicures, zillions of nostalgic parents - it was all there. I honestly felt a bit out of place, considering I was not exactly the most excited person at the event. I was relieved that I was graduating, and I was stoked to be able to do the whole red carpet thing but there was something very relaxed about my attitude. The rest of the girls kept fidgeting with their gowns. I wasn't. 

I think that was part of why they picked me to do the graduation speech - I am surprisingly good at keeping my cool in such situations. Of course I was pretty nervous to be speaking in front of an audience of five-hundreds and my knees shook quite vigorously throughout the whole ordeal and I might not remember what I said or how it went but the people who had been listening told me I did great. I guess I'll wait for the video.

The official part of the ceremony was pretty expectable - we got our high school diplomas, the people who graduated with honors (namely, me) got their medals - gold and silver, depending on just how well they did, - and then came the speeches (mine included). Afterwards we danced the school waltz to the ever-nauseating tune from the cartoon Anastasia - "One Upon a December", which I now despise wholeheartedly considering the vast number of rehearsals we'd had beforehand. 

 The party moved to Kyiv, a fancy-ish restaurant where our deputies dine (supposedly). There we had champagne and wine in measurable but pleasurable quantities, as well as a pretty limited dinner and the event we'd all been waiting for - the Klovsky Lyceum version of American Idol. About two months or so before that, the singers of both classes - as our year was divided into "A" and "B", - recorded four songs and started working on numbers. I got stuck with singing "Hot and Cold" (by Katy Perry) with Natasha and then "We Are The World" with my class singer group. To be honest, it turned out quite nicely and the rush from being onstage, dancing around and fake-singing into the microphone was much more euphoric than doing the speech. I think I'm a born performer - sure, I need to work on my confidence but that night, when I realized I most probably wouldn't see most of these people again, the floodgates opened to offer me to the world. I liked it. I basked in it. I would do it again. And again. And again. 

The night ended with dancing and then going to the nearest park to watch the sunrise, as is the tradition among all high school graduates. It was nice. Very homey - not the most appropriate word, but it'll do. It was that moment, standing in the freezing cold among my shivering classmates, and looking at the bloody streaks the sky painted across the sky, that I realized my life as I had known it was over. I was no longer a child. Am no longer one. 

The past few days I've done nothing but take the damn tests and meet up with friends - most of which were not my ex-classmates. I find it immensely relaxing to not feel obliged to see the people I don't want to on a regular basis. 

 

I spent a lot of time in coffee places, recharging my inner positivity battery - don't go into the physics of that - and eating copious amounts of strawberry which made me impossibly ill.

Mundane's good.

As a bonus, here are two pictures of me on a recording session:

[.honestly.]

I know I really haven't been very regular with my posts here - for Christ's sakes, the last thing I wrote was a post about coffee place in Kiev, pretending someone would read it and take it to note.

Things have been pretty rocky in the last two weeks. I don't know whether it's the excitement of becoming an adult (well, sort of, as I won't be turning eighteen for quite some time yet) and leaving school, whether it's the brooding reality that in some four months I will be off on my own in Madrid, making my way in the world, whether it's the nerves... But it has been hellish.

Let me start from the very beginning. In Ukraine, we don't study whatever we want at school, picking classes and getting credits. Students are crammed into one 'class' in grade one - which is 6-7 years old, and they stick together for eleven years. So basically, you grow up and socialize with the same twenty-five-odd people during everything: childhood, puberty, young adulthood.

By now, we have reached a point where we really do finish each other's sentences. It's fascinating, in a way. It is also frustrating as hell.

See, you learn everything about a person when you've been forced together for eleven years. There is very little we don't know about each other and it works, sometimes. Sometimes, though, it doesn't.
What I'm saying is, that in the last two weeks - the final weeks of my schooling - I have found out more about my classmates than I would have liked.

I think it's the stress of stepping out into the unknown that is causing everyone to act crazily. We've been fighting and shouting at each other more than, well, we have ever done, and it's a bit depressing, knowing that instead of having fond memories of school, I will recollect this: the constant fighting, teeth-baring and horrible remarks.

I fought with my (best -?) friend again and this time it was ugly. I can't go into detail, as I honestly have not sorted it all out yet but for the first time in years, I have come to realize that I am completely ready to leave this place. Not because Kiev is so horrible or because school is for kids, but because I have found what is really dragging me down, not letting me live up to my potential: the people here.

See, the problem with knowing each other for a decade is that each and everyone of us has carved a sort of niche for themselves. There's the loner, the class clown, the fashionista, the idiot, the raging bitch... We all fit into some sort of mould that we've mastered for ourselves and we are so used to it, we don't notice the way the walls of that slot keep tightening around us. I am expected to always be cold, organized, sarcastic. And I am. To the very bone, I am what my classmates expect me to be.

After our disagreement, which consisted of shouting and door slamming, I walked out of the classroom and stood outside in the corridor for five minutes, just letting myself cool off. My hands were shaking, my blood was boiling and then I experienced some sort of moment of clarity - like in the movies. You know, that one second when everything sort of pinpoints to an idea that is so right and so good that you wonder how you haven't thought of it before?

It was at that moment that I realized I didn't want to be that girl anymore. The problem is that I cannot break out of the mould - I have to wait for it to collapse in on itself. I have to wait for my class to graduate before I close the door on that part of my life and throw away the key.

To me, this summer will be historical. I will finally be free of any expectation. Tabula rasa. And when September comes, I will make myself a new mould - a beautiful, wonderful golden frame that will be waiting for me to fill it with ideas, dreams, accomplishments.

I am ready to lose all the baggage that I have been carrying around with myself - the schooldays, the schoolmates.

I am ready to become myself - more fabulous than before.

[.places to eat and have fun in Kiev: coffee]

All right, so I will start this off with a little prologue:
Since the championship is coming up pretty soon and most of you lovely foreign people have no idea where to go or what to do in Kiev, I decided I would help out and point out some of my favorite spots in my city. Again, everything that follows is my own opinion and, well, it's sometimes pretty biased. So, enjoy.


Coffe House | Кофе Хауз
http://coffeehouse.ru/

Okay, if you're going to be hanging around the city centre (which you are going to be, considering going anywhere else without knowing exactly what you're doing can be hazardous to your health), you are bound to come across one of these babies sooner or later. 
What can I say? Personally, I like it for the coffee. The whole 'double-tripple-mocha-latte-with-a-cherry-on-top' Starbucks-like experience. The food isn't as good as one would wish it were but the desserts are decent (cheesecakes and muffins and pancakes and whatnot). 
More or less, for about 30-60 UAH you can get a decent cup of coffee with everything in it and a snack. 
The place also serves cocktails (basic stuff, like Mojito and Blue Lagoon), wines and other liquors. 
Be advised - the service can be slow. Like, very slow. 
They have a website but so far, I haven't been able to find the English version. 
Smoking and non-smoking zones. 


Aroma Espresso Bar
http://aromacafe.com.ua/

Okay, I know you have a couple of those in the US. A very nice place, the coffee is heavenly, the service is much quicker than in the aforementioned café because it is, in fact, self-service. The menu looks and tastes much healthier and the general feel of the place is a bit more... Fashionable. 
Now, it is also a bit more expensive. The price difference can vary between 20-30 UAH but honestly, I think it's worth it. 
Another thing: it has three locations around Kiev and all of them are packed with foreigners and Ukrainian girls who have made it their life's mission to pick up some foreigners. Just beware.
They serve salads and various dessert things (the healthy ones), iced coffee, some alcohol but not much. 
Smoking and non-smoking zones. 


Zolotiy Dukat (The Golden Ducat) | Золотий Дукат
Instytuts'ka St, 16, Kyiv, Ukraine 01021

This particular coffee place has its roots in Lviv and it. Is. Amazing.
As of now, they have two locations that I know of, both are a 5-10 minute walk from Khreshchatyk. 
The coffee there is just indescribable, they have all sorts of unusual coffee cocktail combos (example: coffee, whipped cream, dark chocolate, dried apricots and egg; which is surprisingly good). The food menu leaves some to be desired, as they only have desserts but let me tell you something: there is no place in Kiev where you can get an apple strudel that tastes even remotely like this slice of heaven. 
The hot chocolate their is the specialty drink and when I say it's chocolate, it's CHOCOLATE. Like, authentic, Lviv chocolate stuff. Your tastebuds will be thrashing in a tastegasm.
Now, for the down-sides: the service can be slow, the waiters' English is a bit meh, and the menus that I've seen are only in Ukrainian. They should have an English option, and I hope they do, for their sake, as this amazing place needs to be discovered by more people. 
Alcohol and smoke-free. 

[.new tattoo]

So I have never been a fan of body modification. 

What I just wrote is a big, fat lie.

To be honest, this was a long time coming, I think, considering everything my body's gone through the last few years. This was just a step further, I suppose. 

The experience of having ink stabbed into your skin is pretty bloody amazing. I won't lie and put up a front saying it didn't hurt. It did. I had to improvise what I thought was a very convincing parody of Lamaze breathing a few times but in the end, - all worth it. 

Music has always been an important part of my life. I never go anywhere without my earphones and I don't know what I would do if I suddenly lost the ability to comprehend, to understand, to hear music. This is why I wanted something to serve as a reminder to me that this wonderful creation of humankind will always be there for me, no matter what the situation is. 

Sin música la vida sería un error.

by the way, the beige shoes are marc jacobs :)

[.we found love.]

Okay, this blog will not have anything meaningful in it, so if you're here for the customary dosage of snot and depression, please see below.

Otherwise, welcome to my thank-you note to everybody who helped us make our We Found Love video a reality - from the amazing people who made the videos we used in the production, to ourselves, who are quite handy with a Nikon (Ekaterina Gorskaja), FinalCut Pro (moi), ideas (Natalie and Anna) and acting (Nastya Legeda, Tanya Morozova, Liza Latysheva, Vova Magalyas and Misha Kovalyov) to you, my amazing reader(s) and followers on YouTube and Facebook who sent in amazing photos of yourselves and helped out so well. Here is the honor roll: 

And those whose photos didn't get into the video because of the absence of the main requirement (the 'We Found Love' sign) but to whom I send all my love nonetheless:

And here is the masterpiece itself: 

http://youtu.be/LFjQ_vdWc-o

YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING.